Mother of 2...
I remember feeling Jax kick when he was growing inside me, I remember watching my belly shake when he'd get a bad case of the hiccups (which he did A LOT). I remember sitting in the rocking chair, in his nursery, with my hands on my belly, just dreaming of the day when he was out, in the world, and I could hold him and smell him and kiss him. Once he was here, it was even more wonderful than I had imagined it would be.
This time around, becoming a mommy for the second time, it's different. My belly isn't growing, my hormones aren't out of control (but my emotions still are at times), I can't feel this baby growing in my tummy, and I have no "due date" to tell me when she'll finally be in my arms. However, as cliche as it may sound, I can feel this child growing in my heart. I was telling Jason just the other day how amazed I am at the fact that I am completely in love with this child that I don't even know yet. I've never seen her face, I've never felt her little hand wrap around my finger, I've never kissed her soft baby cheeks, but I am, without a doubt, in love with her already. I think about her constantly, and I don't know how you can miss someone you've never met, but I do, I miss her. I have a world clock on my phone set to Bangkok, and every now and then, I just take a look to see what time it is and picture her eating breakfast, or maybe getting ready for bed. I pray that her foster family is showering her with love, until we can bring her home to her forever family. With every thought or daydream of her, I say a silent prayer that God is preparing her little heart for the big changes it's going to endure.
A few days ago, a dear friend said to me, "Isn't it cool to think that far away, there is a little girl that God has already designed and planned to fit perfectly into your family?..." That is such an amazing thought. He created her knowing that I would be her mommy. I feel like I'm already a mother of 2. Even though she isn't here, I'm already her mommy, she's already my baby, there's already a space in my heart filled by her, and I can't wait 'til the day I finally get to meet her!
Now, June, HURRY UP AND GET HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Oh dear, if it doesn't happen in June, ya'll know there will be many tears shed, then I'll get over it and wait for September...GOD'S PERFECT TIMING, GOD'S PERFECT TIMING, GOD'S PERFECT TIMING....) ;-)
posted by Jenn @ 10:00 AM
10 Comments
10 Comments:
LOVE this post!! I really like and identify with the part about not having the pregnancy hormones but still having out of control emotions!! ME TOO!! ;-) I am so glad God has your little girl picked out for you and He has one for me! I know they will be friends too!! Praying for June for you!!! This waiting stinks!
Beautiful post, Jenn! I agree--I think about it all the time. It's hard to explain missing someone you don't know or just feeling YOUR child is somewhere else, but that's the way it is! I'm praying for June for you too.
Thanks, girls! We HAVE to meet!!!!!!!!! I mean, I want it to happen like yesterday! :) If it doesn't happen in Thailand, then we need to make it happen soon, thereafter. I know it's a longshot, but I'm selfishly praying that we ALL get June referrals! The possibility of us matching before December was a longshot too, so it could happen! I can't wait to see all these sweet li'l babes! Love Y'all!
Wow! This is awesome! I am excited for you....and your mom. :)
Love your post! I totally know what you mean about loving someone you've never met, who you don't even know anything about yet. Adoption is definitely a walk of faith, hope, and love... and we know that love is the greatest of these! I love thinking about God's hand in this. Sometimes I think, "Wow, this really is a story that was written before the foundations of the world. What an honor to be part of it!"
I'm hoping for June referrals for all of you; I just can't wait to see who God has prepared for you and prepared you for. :)
Angie, you need to get in on our meeting too! ;-)
Jenn... I happened upon your blog a few weeks back and have been following it ever since. I was a foster mom in Chiang Mai for 2-1/2 short years and was a first hand witness of the miracle of adoption when "my" little boy met his forever mommy and daddy just over a year ago. It's so amazing and beautiful to me how God matches these precious babies with "perfect for them" families a half a world away. No doubt He's doing that for your sweet girl too! May your waiting be short!
prayers... rachel
I am very excited to get to meet our child too! We just got in line. Do you know what "number" you are? I hope June is a big referral group! :)Mrs Young
Currently, we are #6, but as the wonderful ladies at Holt have explained to us, the list doesn't really go "in order". It all depends on the characteristics of the children that are in each referral group. Congrats on getting on the list! Waiting is really hard, but one day we'll all forget... at least that's what I keep hearing! ;-)
Right about the numbers! That's why I put number in quotes. It's just fun to see movement "up" the list. It's the small things...:) I can't wait for the photo to go with the face of whom we are dreaming! It's continually like the day before Christmas with intrigue to find out who our little gift is. And I love seeing other people receive their gifts too! Mrs Young
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