WE'RE GOING TO THAILAND!!!!!!!!

First of all, let me just say, I have NO CLUE what's wrong with my blog or how to fix it... blogger changed the templates, and I've wasted way too much time trying to learn how to work with it and I've decided I'm in over my head, so it's not cute and fancy anymore but at least we can still read it. 


Now, let's get to the good stuff... This post is waaayyy overdue, but it's been CrAzY since I got the best phone call ever last Wednesday! Remember that last, very sad post that said, "JUNE TRAVEL IS NOT POSSIBLE ANYMORE"? Well, scratch that! We are traveling in June! Our God is a God of miracles and He has certainly worked one in this adoption. The process of getting approval and then getting the article 16 usually takes 2-4 weeks from one to the other, but our's happened in the same day! Our director at Holt even said, "This never happens, this is a miracle!" We had been praying for just that and He answered! Our last hurdle before we're boarding the plane is to get our I800 approval from USCIS. So, please continue praying along with us that this happens very quickly, because our tickets our booked and we're ready to go get our SWEET BABY JADE!!!!! Oh, and by the way, she has a full name now, we finally committed... JADE ELIZABETH HOLMES. Jason had a great aunt that he was very close to, she was more like a grandmother to him really, and her name was Elizabeth. Since Jax's middle name is after my grandfather, we thought it was appropriate to give Jade a name after someone close to our hearts as well. Let the monogramming begin!!!!! ;-) I've been super busy since the call and life is not going to slow down anytime soon, but that's ok, I'm grateful for this "busyness" because it's going to bring my baby girl home! If all goes smoothly, Jason, Jax, & I will board a plane for Bangkok just 3 weeks from tomorrow and we will meet our girl 3 weeks from Sunday! I apologize for this short post, but I've got things to do!;-) Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll be blogging on a password protected wordpress blog while we're in Thailand. If you want to follow our travels, then email me and I'll let you know the password. Please keep us in your prayers!!!!!

Desert Song...

I received a call from Holt today, and I could tell immediately by the sad voice on the other end, it wasn't a happy call to say we got approval. We haven't received approval yet from the Thai government, our case hasn't even been presented yet. The social worker handling our case is overworked and there's not enough of her to go around. The latest is that the director of HSF will be meeting with the director of the Thai Adoption Board sometime in the hopefully near future to discuss why the delays have taken place and try to determine an endpoint for our family. I've gone through all of the emotions that you probably think I have... I've been angry, I am confused, I am deeply saddened, but amazingly enough (to me as well), I feel a peace that I can't explain, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt where it's coming from. Don't get me wrong, the emotion is raw and real, and I can't hold back the tears today, they've been flowing consistently since that phone call, but still, my heart feels a peace that is supernatural. I know that my Heavenly Father has a PERFECT plan. It is a plan that no social worker or government official can mess up, it is a plan they may not even know they're being used to carry out, and His plan will prevail, that is my comfort. My heart hurts right now more than I could ever describe in words. I had it in my head that in less than 2 months my baby girl would be in my arms for forever, and now I'm having to accept that it's not going to happen. That feels exactly like you think it feels, only probably worse... but I do know that God is already on the other side of this trial and He's holding our victory and our baby girl!


 I've been playing the song below over and over today... we keep PRAYING, we keep TRUSTING, we keep BELIEVING...

To Write or not to Write.....

I've debated for quite some time whether to post anything about the recent activity (or lack thereof) in our li'l world of adoption lately. I didn't have anything definite to share and I still don't, however there's potential for lots of exciting things in the very near future (by very near future, I mean, if I don't know something by next week, I'm boarding a plane and finding our Thai government social worker myself!). I can speak for all of us adoptive mamas, I think, that I hesitate to share at times, out of not wanting to get other's hopes up, because I've been the "other" several times before. But, in the end, it always has helped me to read through other family's journeys, so I decided I'd let you all in on our little secret.

Around the end of March, maybe first of April, Holt called to let us know that HSF has given our family a tentative date of June 20, 2012 to take custody of Jade, in Thailand, pending our approval from the Thai government. As you're gasping from excitement (which I did too!), let me stick a sock in it... we STILL don't have approval, or at least not that we know of yet! I have never heard of them granting a tentative board date before a family has received approval, and I really don't know why they did, but they did. Anywho, We thought for sure we'd hear something the second week of April about a meeting that took place on April 4 in Thailand, but the social worker handling our case has been MIA. Then we just knew we'd hear news the following week, but NOPE. At this point, it was time for another DSDW meeting on April 18, and we were certain that we'd know the status of our case the week after that meeting, but here we are, over a week past that date and past the close of another work week in Thailand and we're still playing the Limbo game. First we heard the SW and her supervisor were away at a conference, and it must've been a long one (sorry, but seriously). Now, we heard this week that they're back, but she "needed more time to look into our case"... Uhhhh..... Really????? I'm speechless... ok, yeah, no I'm not, I actually have A LOT to say, but I'll spare you. Aaaanyways, what we're praying for is that we will find out next week that we received approval in April and that our Article 16 is already in the mail! If it works out that way, then we will still be able to keep our June 20 date, and we will have our sweet baby Jade home with her forever family by sometime around June 26!!!!!!! Please pray with us that GOOD NEWS comes next week!

 I get a flurry of emotions when I think about the next few weeks, finishing the preparations for Jade... I get nervous about getting it all done; I obviously get excited about having her home; But, then I get sad about the grief she's about to experience; And, I get VERY anxious about the LOOOOOONG trip we are about to endure with a 4 year old going and a 16 month old and 4 year old coming back. God knows about all of that though, and He's got it all worked out for us, so mostly, I'm ready to say "God... Let's do this!" :-)

As I was walking through some shops today (SURPRISE! HA!), I saw a plaque that said...

"Faith is not about what the future holds, but knowing WHO holds the future..."

I've been struggling with that lately, but it's all we have to rely on. Yes, I'm praying for good news fast, and praying we keep our June 20 date, but there's a lot of unknowns. I don't know when that SW is finally going to call back. I don't know if we'll make it for the June 20 date or we'll have to wait another month to get to our baby girl, but I do know that when we get there, it's because HE orchestrated it and I have to believe that it will be perfect because of that. Thanks for reading and please join with us in prayer! 

<3 Jenn

What? I have a blog????

I haven't been blogging lately... partially because we've been busy and partially because I have nothing to tell. I could get on here and play the "whoa is me" card and tell you all how hard this waiting game is, but I doubt you'd wanna read it. So, I save that for my husband and my closest friends that have to love me no matter how much I whine... thanks, guys, you're the best! However, that's kinda what this post is, because I'm having a hard day, so just warning you before you continue on...

A lot has been happening in the Thailand adoption world, but unfortunately, not for us. Families that received referrals 3 months behind us have already received 1st approval and are moving forward with travel dates and we're still.just.waiting.... and yes, to be completely honest, IT SUCKS!!!!! Pardon me if that was offensive, but I could say more, I'm refraining. All we do know is that there is one particular government social worker that has worked for HSF in Thailand that isn't the most efficient (that's putting it VERY politely), and from what I understand, Holt has asked that she not be given any more of their cases, and supposedly she won't be... AFTER she finishes with our's. She "promised" we would be presented and approved for travel at the April 4 meeting, but HSF has not been able to get in touch with her since that meeting, so we know nothing. We had hoped we would know by today, because offices in Thailand are closed for a holiday Thursday and Friday, but I just heard from Holt and we still have no news. They will follow up next week, and so we wait.

Some of you may have heard about the earthquake in Indonesia, which has caused tsunami warnings to go out to all countries along the Indian Ocean. Obviously, I don't want to see destruction on anyone, regardless of the connection I have to them, but my baby girl is there. I know that my God has no limits and I know that He's protecting her just as much while she's in Thailand as He will when she's home, but my heart is still heavy. I want her in my arms, where I can see her with my own eyes and know she's safe. This is where FAITH comes in... We don't really know what it means to have faith and to trust in our Heavenly Father's provision until we find ourselves in situations like this where we are completely and utterly helpless, but it's when are weak that His strength is made perfect. I'm praying this scripture over my life today...

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl!

Today is a bittersweet day for us... It's the day our baby girl turns 1, without us. I remember when Jax turned 1 year old. I spent weeks planning his party, picking out the cake that we'd let him destroy, scheduling pictures of him enjoying a giant cupcake with a 1 on it... it was a big deal for me, a milestone I guess. So, needless to say, it's a little sad that Jade is turning 1 year old on the other side of the world, and reality is, a piece of our heart is on the other side of the world with her. We celebrated by going out for Thai food with Jax and our parents last Friday, before J and I left for our mommy/daddy vacation. Today, we are thinking about her constantly and praying for her often, and anxiously anticipating the day that we get to bring her home. I am thankful that we are in a beautiful, warm, sunny place today, being pampered. It definitely helps me not to dwell on the sadness, but helps me to focus on the future... A future that holds many more birthdays with our beautiful baby girl when we will be together, able to shower her with our love and a make a huge mess in the kitchen baking cupcakes together. :-)

Dear Baby Jade,

As Mommy & Daddy watched the sun rise on your birthday in Mexico, the sun was setting on your birthday in Thailand. You're 1 year old! Although we've not met you yet, we know you're amazing, and we're so thankful that God chose us to be your parents. The view I have today is breathtaking, but I can honestly say that if I were given the choice, I'd rather be sitting in the rocking chair at home watching you sleep peacefully in my arms. I wish I could tell you happy birthday and that Mommy and Daddy are coming for you very soon, but it's probably best that you're blissfully unaware. I feel confident that you are being loved immensely by your foster family, and for that I'm very grateful. Just a few more months and we get to meet you, watch you sleep, hear you cry, hear you laugh, watch you play with your big brother, and cherish every second of the rest of your life, it can't come soon enough! We love you and we hope and pray you had a very Happy 1st Birthday!!!!! 

Love,

Mommy & Daddy

SuRpRiSe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last Thursday was a very normal day, until about 1pm...

 Jason was out of town at a conference and Jax and I were just going through our day as usual... breakfast, preschool, naptime, etc. I have been anxious to hear about first approvals for some close friends of mine, but I knew there was nothing exciting coming up for us until at least April.... or so I thought! I certainly wasn't awaiting a call from Holt. As I was lying down with Jax for his nap, my phone rang and it said, "HOLT"(still makes my heart skip a beat remembering THE CALL), so I ran out into the hall and answered it. It was the Thailand program assistant, whom I knew had been in Thailand the last week, but I was not expecting to hear from her for any reason. She quickly told me why she was calling, and my heart jumped out of my chest and started doing the happy dance!!!!! She had visited several foster homes while in Thailand and Jade's was one of them! O.... M...... G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She went on to tell me that she had several pictures for us, as well as a few short videos of our girl! We had accepted that we weren't going to receive any new information about her at all until April, so you can imagine my shock and amazement and CrAzY eXcItEmEnT!!!!!!!!!! I was beside myself. Jason was in meetings so I couldn't call, but I texted him immediately, and that text had A LOT of exclamation marks! I sat down at the computer and repeatedly refreshed my email until the email finally came through, and just like that, I went from wondering what my sweet girl looked like now, to watching her crawl and play and chew on her sweet, li'l fat fingers, and let me just tell you, SHE...IS...AMAAAAAZING!!!!!!! From the sound of it, she is spunky! The word that was used to describe her was "firecracker", so it sounds like she's gonna take after her mommy! :-) She is super chunky. I'm talkin' thighs that you just wanna squeeze! She has lots of black hair and it looks a little bit curly around her ears. Her eyes are big and brown and very bold, and her lips are the most perfectly shaped lips I think I have ever seen in my life! She is perfect, and so is God's timing! When I would think of waiting until April to see updated pics, I came close to a meltdown nearly every time; and when I would think of Jade's upcoming first birthday without having seen her since she was 4 months, my heart would break a little more with each of those thoughts.... But my Heavenly Father holds my heart in His hands and He is faithful! He blessed me with not only pictures of her but also video, and just 2 weeks before her first birthday! Unlike typical updates we receive, these pictures are not delayed, they were taken just about 2 weeks ago,  so now I will forever have pictures of her right at her one year mark, and that is HUGE for this momma's heart! Of course, my heart still aches to have her home, to be able to rock her to sleep and make her giggle and comfort her fears like mommy's do, but mostly, my heart is happy and thankful right now. I am thrilled to have 10 new pictures of her to stare at and 4 videos of her in action, and I know my God is faithful and "He that began a good work will complete it"(Philippians 1:6)! In just about 5 more months, I could be blogging about how tired I am from chasing after her, because that's how close we are to bringing her home! Wow! It's been a long journey and it's not over yet, but my baby girl will be home with her family in less than a year and that, my friends, brings me pure joy!

Movement!

In the last week, 2 of my adoptive momma friends (and their spouses:-) ) received first approval, and another is leaving this week for Thailand to bring home their baby girl, FINALLY!!!!!! They've faced one delay after another for the last several months, so they are breathing a huge sigh of relief and we are all rejoicing and praising the Lord with them! So, I know I can speak for all of us Holt mommas in saying that we hope this means the ball is rolling and we just hope and pray it keeps picking up speed! The flood waters are down in most areas it sounds, and we're hoping that the government gets caught up quickly, so we can GET OUR BABIES HOME!!!!!!! We are predicted to get first approval in April... there is a small part of me (very small) that is hopeful it could happen in March,  maybe, but April is more likely. Typically, from first approval, travel is approximately 2 months later, but as of now, our agency is still telling us they think we'll travel around July. I'm trying really hard to stay buckled up and not get too excited and start jumping out of my seat just yet, but it's REALLY hard not to! I am super excited for all my friends that are going before us and I can not wait to watch them bring their precious li'l ones home. It's reassuring every time I see another family united through adoption and I'm reminded that God works it all out perfectly!

I sent Jade's birthday package out last week. Her birthday isn't until February 27, but it can take a while to get to her, so I wanted to give it plenty of time. It was bittersweet for sure. It breaks my heart to think of all the milestones we're missing, but I'm beyond thankful that she will one day be our's to cherish for the rest of forever. We sent her a recordable book with all 3 of our voices, a dress with a cupcake and 1 candle on it, and a frilly headband from Nana. Her room is becoming a storage room in our house... her clothes are already taking over, and I don't even know what size she really wears! I did not have intentions of doing her room until the spring, but I'm really having some major decorating urges lately! :-/ I'm still going to make myself wait at least a couple more months, because looking at a completed room would make this wait so much harder for me. Right now, my goal is to make it to March and finally get some new pics of our girl, and then maybe I'll have the realization that she's really coming home! Please continue to pray for patience and for things to keep moving quickly from here on out!