Just Focus

Well folks, it's almost June!!!! Like, seriously, June 1 is TOMORROW!!!! This means I could be less than a month away from seeing my baby girl's face! It also means that I might turn into a total loon within a couple more weeks of waiting. I'm gonna make a promise to myself, right here for the blogger world to see so that I'll stick to it, I WILL NOT call Holt until at least June 24 (definitely not til June 23). I'm already having trouble focusing or concentrating on anything, because that possibility is ALWAYS on my mind. Now, we have to remember, this is only a possibility, it's not for sure, but I'm hopeful and trying to rest in God's peace (that is soooo not my forte, but practice makes perfect, right?). I know He is in control and I know He is always right on time, and I also know that saying "Hurry up, please" doesn't work with Him. :-) So, I'm going to keep going about my days like normal and just try to focus on the here and now... could you all please remind me of that tomorrow? Thanks! <3 Jenn

Mother of 2...

I remember feeling Jax kick when he was growing inside me, I remember watching my belly shake when he'd get a bad case of the hiccups (which he did A LOT). I remember sitting in the rocking chair, in his nursery, with my hands on my belly, just dreaming of the day when he was out, in the world, and I could hold him and smell him and kiss him. Once he was here, it was even more wonderful than I had imagined it would be.

This time around, becoming a mommy for the second time, it's different. My belly isn't growing, my hormones aren't out of control (but my emotions still are at times), I can't feel this baby growing in my tummy, and I have no "due date" to tell me when she'll finally be in my arms. However, as cliche as it may sound, I can feel this child growing in my heart. I was telling Jason just the other day how amazed I am at the fact that I am completely in love with this child that I don't even know yet. I've never seen her face, I've never felt her little hand wrap around my finger, I've never kissed her soft baby cheeks, but I am, without a doubt, in love with her already. I think about her constantly, and I don't know how you can miss someone you've never met, but I do, I miss her. I have a world clock on my phone set to Bangkok, and every now and then, I just take a look to see what time it is and picture her eating breakfast, or maybe getting ready for bed. I pray that her foster family is showering her with love, until we can bring her home to her forever family. With every thought or daydream of her, I say a silent prayer that God is preparing her little heart for the big changes it's going to endure.

A few days ago, a dear friend said to me, "Isn't it cool to think that far away, there is a little girl that God has already designed and planned to fit perfectly into your family?..." That is such an amazing thought. He created her knowing that I would be her mommy. I feel like I'm already a mother of 2. Even though she isn't here, I'm already her mommy, she's already my baby, there's already a space in my heart filled by her, and I can't wait 'til the day I finally get to meet her!

Now, June, HURRY UP AND GET HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Oh dear, if it doesn't happen in June, ya'll know there will be many tears shed, then I'll get over it and wait for September...GOD'S PERFECT TIMING, GOD'S PERFECT TIMING, GOD'S PERFECT TIMING....) ;-)